I think I am done with winter, which is a unique position for me. I’m usually quite happy with winter activities. I live in expectation of the next season all fall and relish the first opportunity to pack up my crampons and strap my piolet onto my winter pack. Likewise, I often lament the late spring snowmelt and the return to descending unstable rocky trails instead of luxuriously soft snow. However, unlike my rather intrusive thoughts on the Ras in Morocco, I don’t think I’m ready to hang up my piolet altogether. I think I am just done with this winter.
But why?
- Spain has made me soft. It’s true that the weather is often mild here, especially outside of the mountains. Although the last few weeks have been unpleasantly rainy and sometimes a bit cold, this is more the exception than the rule.
- I’m generally tired of being cold. This sort of contradicts the above statement, but life just feels colder to me lately. In some respects, this is true—COVID protocols have meant that we have spent a lot more time outside and with windows open in the last couple years. I also run to work several days a week, which might leave me a bit cold throughout the day.
- I’m actually just tired. Our outdoor activities this winter have just felt hard. Whether we were in Andorra, the Pyrenees, Moncayo, or the Atlas Mountains, it seems like we confronted deep, heavy, and soft snow and/or strong, biting wind on every trip. Or, I could just be out of mountain shape, which is possible. Regardless, the thought of dragging my feet up through more snow and facing the stinging wind for an entire day makes me want to lay down.
- I no longer fear descending rocky trails. Maybe. Trail running has actually really helped me improve my speed and confidence with rocky trails, but I still balk at a scree-filled descent. Well, I did this past fall. Maybe I won’t when I get back out on the trails this summer though?
So, it’s possible these are all contributing factors, but the truth is that I’m just ready for something new. I want to switch it up, leave winter behind, and get on with my year. I have so many other things I’m looking forward to doing this year. And, in some respects, I feel like participating in winter activities is holding me back.
A couple weeks ago, I started training for running a 50k, one of my goals for the year. This has caused its own sort of conflict in my life as my partner is decidedly not done with winter. And, unfortunately, I don’t think winter is quite done with me yet either. We’ll be going to the Pyrenees, where there is still a lot of snow, for a few days around Easter, which I think will most likely include one or two days of snowy mountain climbing. Will I have to drag myself through or will I perk up like I did on Toubkal? Will my mantra be: “I just need to get through this last one before I’m done”? Or will I be able immerse myself in that moment without focusing on what’s coming next? Right now, it’s impossible to know. But I do know I’m going to try to lie cat-like in a patch of sun to soak my freezing insides in warmth before going back to the snowy mountains.
