The thing about time is that it slips by unnoticed. The days are long, but they run together so quickly—one week turns into a month, then an entire summer, and suddenly it’s fall. I certainly never intended to take such a long break from this blog. In fact, I carried my laptop to work for months, planning to write on my lunch breaks like usual. Instead, I socialized with my coworkers. In retrospect, I really needed that, so it’s hard to feel too bad.
The ultimate reason for my break is that it’s hard to write about feeling down or struggling when I’m in it. If I can’t bear my thoughts, it’s impossible to imagine that someone else would. I usually need to pass through it and reflect before contextualizing it.
After running 50K in July, I took about four days off running before heading out for a gentle 20 to 30 minutes. The plan was to follow that with another easy week of running before hopping back into training for my next running goal—a 2-3-day fastpacking trip sometime in October. Fastpacking, for those who don’t know, is like backpacking, but with more running and less walking, ideally, and usually with a lighter pack.
I felt rather sluggish on that first run but attributed it to the 50K earlier that week. Totally normal. Unfortunately, later that evening my throat started hurting, followed by a fever and nasal and chest congestion the next day. Given my symptoms, I was certain I had COVID, but I didn’t actually test positive until 3 to 4 days later.
While I had mild symptoms, as in I didn’t have to go to the hospital, those symptoms did hit me quite hard. I had chest congestion for weeks. I also lost my sense of taste and smell for over a week, which was a curious experience.
I stayed at home the requisite 10 days, then ventured out again, starting with just an easy 20 min run. It felt awful. Also expected. I’ve run after having bronchitis or other respiratory infections. It usually gets better. Unfortunately, as the weeks went by, each run just felt worse and worse. I ended each one feeling tired, never invigorated. I was hoping it might be the heat, so when we escaped to the mountains for three weeks in August, I was looking forward to feeling better.
But, in the end, those few runs in the cooler mountain temps felt just as bad. I also went on a couple of hikes, where everything went fine until I had to climb up any hill. I struggled like a pack-a-day smoker and felt incredibly exhausted afterwards. I no longer felt like myself. I was despondent, and neither running nor hiking could offer the refuge I was accustomed to for coping with my unhappiness.
So, what do you do when what used to bring you joy and comfort just isn’t? I couldn’t really choose to not be disappointed or angry or frustrated, but I could choose to do other things that I enjoy.
Luckily, we have a community pool right next to the mountain apartment. I went to the pool nearly every day. It had been a long time since I swam, but I swam my slow laps, alternating between breaststroke and the crawl because I couldn’t really do the crawl for more than a couple laps in a row because of my lungs. I practiced my long-abandoned skills and even ventured into doing some flip turns, which I was amazed I could still manage.
After returning to Madrid, the fatigue hadn’t really gotten any better, even though my lungs were feeling better, so I went to the doctor. I’m sometimes wary of going to the doctor for such things, which I know isn’t good. I’m afraid they’ll disregard it, chalk it up to age or depression, or tell me it’s normal when to me it feels anything but. As you might expect, of course it was the right decision: I had a vitamin D deficiency (Surprise!). They prescribed me some super potent vitamin D supplements. I felt better almost immediately—full of energy and happy. I was even able to go some evenings and get out of bed the next day, which I hadn’t been able to do in a year, maybe longer. It. Was. Amazing. Who knows how long I had been vitamin D deficient. It had never been a problem in the US. I had always been told that it was impressive that I actually had good vitamin D levels. Only I could come to such a sunny country and apparently never get any sun.
Finally, the last couple months, I’ve been getting back into my usual activities. I feel terribly out of shape, but I’m running to work again. I’ve done some mild hikes and been on a couple caving trips that didn’t suck (and one that did right before I started the supplements). Best of all—we’re almost through fall. I’ve seen snow in the mountains and, boy, am I coming for it.
