How to Manage Different Travel Goals

I’ve been lucky to travel with a variety of people with varying goals for their travels, ranging from relaxing to extended adventures. As I have mentioned before, I don’t consider myself a natural traveler finding much of the process rather exhausting despite the interesting places I have been privileged to see.

I just returned from an especially exhausting road trip, and I’ve been wondering if what I think of as a flaw (being “bad” at traveling) may actually just reflect differing travel approaches. When talking about more urban travel, not backpacking and mountaineering, I usually have a few things that I especially want to do or see, such as a specific trail to hike or run, a neighborhood or other important place to see, or a certain restaurant or type of food to try. Then, I fill in my remaining time with other things I discover along the way. But overall, I mostly want to more or less live my same routine in a different place with different food, different sights, and no work. I want to get up early and run or walk through the quiet streets to scope things out, sans crowds. Maybe I’ll stop at a market or coffee shop for either first or second breakfast. Then, I might head to one of the places on my list and spend the remainder of the day wandering, watching people and dogs, checking out parks and shops, eating interesting food and, finally, going to bed early-ish, after setting my intentions and rough plans for the next day.

This latest trip was pretty much the exact opposite. It was what I would call traveling by the checklist—a sightseeing trip with a list of items to see and little time for improvisation. Here’s a brief overview of the numbers:

• Total days: 9
• Nights in different places: 8
• Stops in the itinerary: 35 planned; 18 optional
• Places stopped: ~25
• Dinners skipped: 3
• Miles/km driven: 1,300/2,000 (not by me)
• Miles/km run: 25/40
• Miles/km walked: 55/89
• Visits to the ocean: 6
• Time spent swimming: 0 minutes (!!)

Since the trip, I’ve been reflecting on when travel differences are so great that they become nearly incompatible and how much we should compromise to accommodate others as the whole trip left me so drained that I want a vacation from my vacation. I feel like I saw so much yet so little, and even days later, I’m struggling to fix many experiences outside of tiredness in my mind. Now, on the complete opposite side, my travel companions seemed quite energized by what they saw, repeatedly reciting the list on our final leg back to Spain, and perhaps, their greatest disappointment may be that they missed almost 30% of what they had planned to see. In some cases, falling behind on the plan was due to my unwillingness to add one more place between my head and a pillow. Many times, however, it was due to other factors, such as closing times of locations, the length of meals, the pace of sightseeing, and the sheer number of sightseeing stops planned.

Now, as I was pretty much the odd one out when it came to travel style, and I can’t really comment on others’ opinions, I’ll give you an overview of how I managed to fit in a little bit of what I enjoy along with a few highlights (and lowlights).

Running. Doing some sort of faster-paced exercise, either running or hiking, is non-negotiable for me. I would ask what time the group wanted to leave and fit in the run accordingly, usually before breakfast. I prepped my clothes beforehand so I could sneak out as quietly as possible. I think this worked pretty well except the first day when I unfortunately triggered the hotel’s motion sensor lights in the main room. Seriously, who thought that was a good idea. (To hopefully make up for this, I returned with some fresh bread.)

Sometimes I ran alone, sometimes with my partner. Now, you might say, “didn’t getting up early to run make you more tired and need to go to bed earlier” (see below). Perhaps. But I’m not really sure because I think I have an extremely strong circadian rhythm anyway as I usually start getting tired when it starts getting dark, no matter what time I woke up.

Favorite runs: In Cognac, I explored some of the labyrinthine streets, a park with several aviaries, and a more wild park that had been royal hunting grounds. I also loved the river along Launay and Châteaulin, mostly because it was a foggy, rainy day, and we discovered a market that we could all go to together after breakfast.

Sleep. Getting enough sleep is also necessary, otherwise I get deeply unhappy. Since this has been an issue for me pretty much my whole life, I have some good strategies for the actual sleeping part: I always bring earplugs to minimize the ambient noise; I take some magnesium, which works for me; and I listen to a book on tape to help me relax (lately, Harry Potter). The getting to bed part was more challenging because arriving at a hotel earlier often meant skipping other things. Unfortunately, sometimes getting enough sleep meant that I skipped dinner and went straight to bed when we arrived at the hotel. A couple of other times, I ate a sandwich along the way so I could go to bed when we arrived.

Worst experience: Arriving close to midnight at a campground where we were renting a cabin after having poorly communicated in a combination of English and French that we would arrive late and trying to get the cabin number and the access number for the gate. We finally got access via the security guard and the woman running the bar who knew who to call. Then, after planning to relax in the morning, we had to rush out because we didn’t pay the deposit (in case of damage to the room; we paid for the actual room in advance) because we never officially checked in.

Solitude and mental rest. This is something that is hard to come by when travelling with four other people in general. When you add in other factors, such as speaking in a second language while navigating in a third and cultural differences in conversational expectations and views on being alone, it becomes amplified. Fortunately, my morning runs helped with this immensely, and I was able to take a couple of non-sleep-related breaks to rest my mind.

Quietest quiet time: In Plescop, our hotel was next to a very long bike path that followed a network of trees between farm fields. I ran alone and only saw a few people, mostly cows, a couple dog walkers, and a little family of muskrats.

Exploration. I like to be able to hunt around a city or town and find nooks and corners, alleys and street art, cats and strange situations, unique-looking cafés and restaurants, and green areas of all sizes. In general, I care more about watching what is going on around me than I do looking at the interior of a church.

Best unstructured finds: In Bordeaux, on my morning run with my partner, we found a clever piece of street art of a horse’s head painted around the crumbling outer wall of a building. Later in the day, while my travel companions explored the cathedral, I wandered through a little outdoor book market, which led me to a cute café that had books for you to read while you enjoyed your coffee.

Overall Best Part of the Trip

There were two parts of the trip that I absolutely loved: seeing the alignments and dolmens of Carnac and the rocky coast of Pointe de Pen-Hir. Before the trip, I had seen only one dolmen (despite trying to see a second), but the dolmens that I saw on this trip were much more spectacular. In addition, I also learned that these were not free-standing structures but usually made to create tunnels and spaces under an earthen mound. We got to visit one of these and it was incredible. Also, the magnitude of the alignments both in the size of some of the rocks and the size of the area they covered was amazing and unlike anything I had ever seen.

In addition, at the Lagatjar Alignments, I got to do a little people watching, as here you can get right up next to the menhirs. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to touch them, but there were some people standing close to the stones, eyes closed with both hands flat against their surfaces. They were clearly having some sort of experience, absorbing something only they know—vibes, ancient energy, healing power, magic? There was also a couple who was having a different kind of experience (no, not like that). The man was standing, his back slumped against one of the rocks. He didn’t move the entire time we were there. The woman alternated by twirling around the center of the square formed by the alignments and laying spreadeagle in the grass. They were clearly having some sort of divine experience. Or they were high. Maybe both.

The rocky coast of Pen-Hir was spectacular and reminded me of some parts of the northeastern U.S. The surrounding peninsula is shaped like a trident with three separate points separated by wide bays, and there is a trail that follows the highlands of these points, with parts you can do on the beach at low tide. When I learned this, I got itchy feet and would really love to return to run that coast. Here, we also discovered the start and end points of two long trails (GR 34 and 37): one that runs along the coast and another that crosses the interior of Brittany.

Would I take another sightseeing trip like this again?

I really, really want to say, “absolutely not!” In fact, during the trip and immediately after, I definitely declared, “never again.” However, in reality, we don’t always have control over who we travel with and how they travel. Even if you set the expectations beforehand for what you will see, where you will stop, and how long you will spend in any given location, it’s always going to vary once you are actually “in it.” Some places deserve more time than others, which you may not know until you are there, and even those with overzealous plans can recognize this.

I think I could have done without seeing about 50-75% of what I saw, but if seeing those parts allowed me to see the 25% that I really loved, then I can’t really complain. In the end, even knowing how exhausted and anxious and sad and lonely I felt, I’m not sure I would have chosen to not go. But maybe in the future, I’ll join for fewer days or make them leave me in some city or on some rocky coast to find my own way.